Our NZNC BLOG

We’re great believers in answering customer questions. In fact, we extensively research exactly what is being asked so we can better help our customers understand the fabrics and processes that go into the products we sell.

The reason is simple – the more informed you are, the easier it is for you to choose the product that’s right for you.

One of the most common search terms NZ Natural Clothing shows up for is ‘Where do all the socks go?’

It costs the average hardworking, sock-wearing Kiwi a little under $5,000 over the course of a lifetime to replace missing socks. So, as the question is being asked, we thought we’d put forward our three favourite theories doing the rounds to address what appears to be a pressing issue for so many people around the world.

Wormholes – for the non-science-fiction fans – are passages through space-time that could create shortcuts for long journeys across the universe. The really crazy thing is that wormholes are theoretically possible under the laws of general relativity.

The late – and very great – Douglas Adams theorised in his book The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy that biros slipped through wormholes – presumably in the linings of sofas, suit pockets and bags – only to arrive on a planet where they could live the biro-equivalent of the good life.

This got us thinking that similar tears in time and space could well exist in the seals of washing machines and the linings of laundry baskets.

This would allow those malcontent socks – and even the odd stocking – dissatisfied with their lives of sweaty feet and uncomfortable shoes, to start quite literally afresh.

Socks and hosiery alike would be able to live a life free from the threat of athlete’s foot, being turned into sock bunnies for the amusement of small, sticky children or being worn over someone’s head during a bank robbery.

Which, unless the sock is made from Merino wool, doesn’t sound entirely unreasonable!

Eaters of socks include gnomes, elves and goblins, depending on which website you visit.

Depending on which site you land on, sock gnomes and sock goblins appear to be locked in some form of internecine war, although sites differ on who the villains are.

The majority of sites we found suggest that sock gnomes are small creatures who steal your socks while you sleep – but sock goblins, rather unusually, attempt to thwart the gnomes by systematically replacing all the socks the gnomes have taken.

Although one has to ask the question – where are the sock goblins getting their socks from? I suspect this isn’t something that should be overthought.

There’s also the actual Eater of Socks conjured up by another late and great British writer: Terry Pratchett.

In his Discworld novel Hogfather, he wrote about the Eater of Socks, a small, elephant-like creature with a flat trunk that roamed unguarded laundry rooms, sucking up any sock it could find.

We’re not sure which is worse – the fact that we considered this as a theory or that there was so much information available in the first place.

It says a lot when tiny rips in the fabric of reality are the more plausible of the theories thus far.

There’s every chance that your partner is simply trying to settle a score or drive you mad.

According to research, a very meagre 25% of men actively do the laundry in heterosexual relationships. This means hundreds of millions of men around the globe are leaving their dearly beloveds to wash their dirty underpants.

It really is of little surprise to learn that a recurring theory is that the socks aren’t missing at all, but are simply being thrown out as a small act of revenge by the long-suffering girlfriends and wives of men too lazy to wash their own sweaty socks.

This not only seems entirely plausible but also a disproportionate punishment considering the crime.

Anyone, not just women, would undoubtedly get tired of doing someone else’s laundry week in, week out. Especially when that other person is entirely capable but is just being bone idle.

This isn’t taking into account any laundry produced by children, which significantly increases the load and effort, making the lack of help from that 75% even worse.

We do have to acknowledge that every household is different, and there are relationships where the chores are divided up evenly. The statistics also don’t represent those boyfriends and husbands who contribute in other ways.

But on the surface of it, that’s pretty poor.

Of course, these are just theories. Some pretty far-out theories at that.

However, in our search for the weird and the implausible, we did stumble across something entirely more useful.

Here are some far more likely engineering and/or science-based explanations for where the socks go.

1. The rogue sock didn’t go in the wash to begin with. It’s either lurking at the bottom of the hamper or was dropped en route.

2. The sock got swept into the gap around the washing machine’s agitator.

3. It got stuck in the dryer filter or vent.

4. The sock got stuck between the tub and drum, before eventually working its way down into the drainage system.

5. The sock worked its way into another item of clothing or into bedding, such as a duvet cover.

We can’t help but think that if a few more people invested in the finest Merino wool socks, those socks wouldn’t become victims of disgruntled wives or become disgruntled themselves. Because they’re just too good.

Merino wool socks aren’t just a great investment for comfort, odour resistance and durability, but also a powerful motivator to get more men doing their own laundry.

For more information about our range of revenge-proof* Merino wool socks, click here.

*May not actually be revenge-proof.